Downs and ups - March 22
Spring break! Healed from illness and off from work! Still lots to do, art stuff mostly... but I'm excited for it. It feels like the last time I'm going to get to chill out like this for a long time.
😱 1. Mad At Me - Samia, papa mbye
Guys, last week had me messed up. After some strangeness with friend things, got pink eye and a cold, and than lost my voice—AND, worked both my jobs saturday and DJ-d til about 2:30am that night. And had work at 9:30am Sunday… nightmare. Anyways, this is not a busy-off, moreso just to explain the reemergence of this song for me. One of the biggest realizations I’ve had is when I’m tired, my mental health gets crazy. Not crazy bad, just crazy-crazy. I kinda feel like I have no friends and also when I talk to my friends I think that they’re mad at me. At least I know now, so I don’t take it as deeply when I feel like that, but it still sux.
The production on this song is kinda weird, but it was a grower for me. The chorus is so simple, which is why I think I’m drawn to it.
🫡 2. Concerning the UFO sighting near Highland, Illinois - Sufjan Stevens
I used to get FOMO in an insanely serious way—like debilitating, because I wouldn’t take care of myself and would just go do a million things. Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve really worked on it, and I’ve been a lot better at being happy with what I want to do. I’m really excited to be staying in Oberlin semi-solo, working on capstone stuff and just catching up on everything. I feel way more at peace with myself in a lot of ways, though more sleep is needed.
This one used to make me sad, especially in high school. The piano is so beautiful and just hits deep, especially with the flute/wind instruments that come in. Now, it feels like I don’t need to be sad, it’s okay to just feel however. I’ve been listening to this when I’m walking around at night at a lot and it’s been the perfect soundtrack.
🫶 3. Big Brown Eyes - Nascent, Orion Sun
Clara’s newsletter really inspired me the other day—I’ve been feeling that way too, though I’ve had a few bumps in the road the last few weeks. I really, really love my friends, and I do love being at Oberlin. I want to commit to doing what makes me feel good, and what makes me feel on top of it: “work hard / play hard,” super econ, but honestly they kinda were right for that. Goals for the break: Spend every hour in the fabrication lab that it’s open, get back in the gym, go on walks in the arb at night and throw some rocks in the reservoir, go to volunteers with kendra and clara and indie, have a latte party at my house in the morning with all the baez, make bigger drawings, and write more letters… amongst others.
Someone said to me recently “having friends you love and who love you is the best thing in the world,” and I completely agree with him. I’m very lucky to have you all in my life, and as much as I’ve been holing up, I hope you guys know how much you keep me going.
😸 4. Bunny Is A Rider - Caroline Polachek
It’s break!!!!! Thank god!!!!!!!!! So, so needed. A few of my professors are on here—sorry I was slacking… I promised myself to change my attitude in a big way this break, and I think the deep relaxation that’s going to happen is going to bring me so back after this.
This song makes me hope for a warm sunny day, that way I can take my bike and my speaker and just go for hours on the bike path. That’s one of my favorite things to do here, and I definitely don’t do it enough. One of the most underrated parts of living here for sure.
5. STORY TIME - Glass of Water - Coldplay
I really hesitate to talk about old stories—I don’t know why—it just doesn’t seem to come up, and sometimes they don’t feel important. That’s why I’m going to start doing a story time for the fifth song every week—a throwback to a different part of my life, in the hopes that you guys will laugh, smile, be sad, or whatever. Been into feeling everything as it comes recently.
Anyways, this is me DJ-ing my middle school dance, which I lowk did often… the shirt is crazy, it was from a Christian camp I went to in Catalina. The DJ-ing was very low tech: essentially, downloading songs off youtube and then just making a playlist. Even at the time, it was super LGBT, no offense to myself, which is funny cause I really thought nobody was gonna know. Not sure how I thought that when half the setlist was Lady Gaga.
At my first dance, a girl liked me and asked me to go with her, which I said yes to. Our (mostly her) version of slow dancing was holding hands, arms completely outstretched, spinning in a circle SO fast. Like so fast. While we were doing that, she told me she liked me, and I was not expecting that. I told her I liked her too because, to be honest, historically, I have not been good at saying what I actually mean if it’s going to hurt somebody. In this instance this trait created wayyyy too many problems for my closeted self. I spent the rest of the dance hiding in the bathroom.
After that, I decided I was going to DJ the next dances, cause first of all I knew what the people wanted… but mostly, I didn’t want to have to dance, which I felt self-conscious about. I also didn’t want to deal with girls, boys, liking people, which all felt so foreign. I used to hate things where there were no clear steps to do, like dancing and liking people and going to bars, cause it feels like everyone else got the unspoken rules and I didn’t. The last few years especially I’ve grown a lot in terms of realizing you just do things your own way and make your own fun.
These days, I’ve gone back to my roots as a DJ, but for entirely different reasons. I luv music, and I get down most when it’s songs I like. Also, it’s fun with friends. I’ve been thinking a lot more about how I've changed since middle school, and mostly it’s been two things. Losing fear, and finding my own confidence………… cheesy but sincere.
Have fun breaks wherever you are! 🫶🫶 It’s gonna be great.
Byee
🤞 Wade