Five things to be alive for - June 13

Went to Universal w Andrew yesterday (he won tickets from his frat, thanks bae), working in commercial production now, Meg and Jason visiting soon, going to Disneyland soon, life is good...

I am so bored at my desk job that I am handwriting this week’s Friday five. Never thought I’d see the day. Lucky for you all, I’m retyping it so that you don’t have to read my handwriting.

This week is “five things to be alive for.” Of course, there are many more than five things. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to grab life and pull. I don’t think the point of living is exploding in a bright flurry of sparks and energy and movement. I think it means lighting a fire and feeding it, giving it kindling, and making sure you poke it with a stick every once in a while to keep it alive. And also throwing some fireworks into the fire. Here are five pieces of kindling that have helped stoke my fire lately:

Buckets; "Color Water Sort Puzzle Games"; moderation

If you haven’t played "Color Water Sort Puzzle Games", first of all, play it. Addicting, free, and doesn’t use service. It’ll save you on an airplane.

I’ve been feeling overloaded with so much going on, working 50ish hours a week, trying to see the boyfriend, trying to see the friends, trying to make art and also go to the gym. It’s a lot. Balance feels a lot like the water game. Having enough water in each tube is the dream; there is enough water, but you’re shuffling it from tube to tube trying to make the colors match, hoping you don’t knock too many over in the process. This realization was sparked by a common occurrence for me nowadays: the free office dessert. Not joking, there are 2 to 4 free desserts in the office every day.

Eating something that usually was a treat every day made it boring, and plain. I started to eat dessert only when I actually wanted to, and within days, I felt more aware of my body and my choices. This relates to the bucket because it’s tempting to see and seek the near sided pleasures, things that gratify and sort the water in the tubes now. But intentional practice and understanding the way that you work is so important, and I’ve been trying to sort at least a bit of water into the longer term goal tubes. By not eating a dessert every day, I actually enjoy them way more altogether, and I have space for other things that feel good.

Earnestness; or love for what you do

I used to think being earnest was embarrassing. Talking about what you dream of was a little self-indulgent. I always thought if you want to be the greatest “X”, why not just do it, instead of talking about it all the time? But I’ve been realizing that the way that you speak about yourself internally and externally becomes the way that you believe in yourself; and from that belief comes how others believe in you. I’m not saying to be Timothée Chalamet and go up in front of the world and say I’m going to be the best. I think that actually is a little self-indulgent. But I do think being honest with yourself and your loved ones about your dreams can be so affirming and really help to make them come true. Being excited about the world and what the world is giving you, about opportunities and possibilities, I think is proof of gratitude for them. Why should I not be excited to learn and to try??

Maybe-men; the importance of critics

It makes me really sad how a lot of artists these days aren’t very happy to receive criticism. I’ve seen a few different artists put Pitchfork on blast for, honestly, just mediocre reviews. Not even bad. I think a lot of this has to do with the conflation of vulnerability with good art. Just because it’s hard to make for personal reasons doesn’t make it accessible, and doesn’t mean it’s “good”. So much of art to me is thinking, so a reality check about what your audience sees in an end product is a blessing.

This is a lesson that I’m trying to learn and is hard to learn, but it’s important not to be surrounded by yes men. I really appreciate when people disagree with me, and I think it’s a sign of a friend who has your best interests at heart. Whether it’s personal stuff, career stuff, creative stuff, whatever— I think having people around that will actually speak their mind is what makes or breaks it. Maybe men instead of yes men.

Lorde, and committing to your ideas; drama

Andrew is a big Lorde fan, and I am a more casual fan. We’ve been talking a lot about her new stuff and I think it’s really interesting. It’s definitely an unexpected direction and I’m excited to listen to the album. One take away from our conversation was that something she’s really good at is finding her voice even when she’s unsure, and believing fully in how she feels even though she knows it will change. It doesn’t really matter to her if it comes across as cringe or if she maybe doesn’t know all the answers. I think having a sense of drama in your life and an amount of respect for that drama really goes far in terms of authenticity, taking yourself seriously, and the ability to express yourself accurately.

A a spoonful of inspiration; a good album

Music sometimes tells me how to feel. It honestly happens a lot. Over the last year, I’ve realized that certain periods of my life happened because of songs that I listened to during that time. Here are five albums that I found in the last month that have really made me feel alive:

---

And so ends my list of five things to be alive for. I’m trying to start taking myself more seriously, which feels very pretentious. 😢 but that’s how it is. If you have any things that you’ve been living for lately please feel free to hit reply and send them my way, whether it’s an album or a piece of art or something you’ve written, whatever!

🤞

Wade